You know the saying, "You don't know what you have until its gone"? I have to say in this case it's totally wrong. I knew what I had with Otis. I would look at him every day and know he was a gift. I also would look at him and worry. For some reason I always worried that we would not have enough time together. I would look at him and worry about time. So strange now that I look back on it. We found each other so late in life. He was such an amazing part of my life I wanted to spend 100 years by his side.
Last Wed, Jan 25th 2012, my husband Otis died of a massive heart attack. At least I think it was massive because he just went so quickly. He had just sat down with his coffee and turned on his laptop. It was such a shock because he had volunteered to help get the kids ready for school and had even taken Andrew to the gaming store the night before. He was so full of life. He wasn't complaining about any odd aches or pains. I just heard him make a horrible noise and then he was slumped over on his computer. I tried to lay him down when he started to slide out of his chair and then while on the phone with 911 I did chest compressions until my parents ran over from next door and my dad took over. He was just gone so very fast.
I miss my best friend. But I know so strongly that he knew how much I loved him and how much he loved me. We had so much in common. We just loved to just hang out together and just talk. Or go fishing and camping. We worked together, went shopping together, took care of the kids together - everything. That will be the hardest part to get used to - doing everything alone or just with the kids.
They kids are trying to cope with all this. They loved him so much as well. After he died Anthony sat down and told us his best friend just died. Andrew was just getting so close with him and they were spending so much time together bonding. I wish I could tell Otis that Andrew still needed him more and that he wasn't finished there but I cant. Otis was so caring with Libby and protective. It will just take time to get used to the hole he left in our hearts.
He always told me so many times that his job was to teach me to be strong. I don't know why he felt so strongly about that. I am going to try and be strong for him. He made me a better person and I will treasure that forever.